The air is getting colder, and sometimes you just want to add some pizzazz to your R code. Here are some tips for making it spookier this frightful season.

1. Display your code using a black-and-orange font

   message <- 'Happy Halloween!'
   print(message)
   

   ## [1] "Happy Halloween!"
   

2. Use the numbers 13 and 666 in your code when an arbitrary constant would do

   set.seed(13*666)
   

3. Make aliases for common functions or values using spooky words

     scare <- split
     wearing <- 13
     a <- 3
     at <- 13
     children <- rnorm
     night <- factor
     mask <- 0.5
     with.a.knife <- rbinom
     #final result
     scare(children(at), night(with.a.knife(wearing,a,mask)))
   

   ## $`0`
   ## [1] -0.63227650  0.25124949  0.02002853
   ## 
   ## $`1`
   ## [1]  1.0604516 -0.8714481 -1.5192590 -0.1055185
   ## 
   ## $`2`
   ## [1] -0.3264258 -0.2820896 -1.3271632
   ## 
   ## $`3`
   ## [1] 0.6829790 0.2338166 0.7319324
   

4. Even better, give people nightmares by using non-ASCII characters

   BÓO <- print
   BOOÓ  <- 'sp00ky'
   BØO <- paste0
   BØØ <- 4
   BØØØ <- 'me'
   #final result
   BÓO(BØO((BØØ+BØØ)/BØØ,BOOÓ,BØØ,BØØØ))
   

   ## [1] "2sp00ky4me"
   

5. Secretly and silently assign aliases as global variables

   begin.haunting <- function(){eval(parse(text=paste(paste(letters[c(19,3,1,18,5)], collapse=''),'<<-','scale')))}
   begin.haunting()
   scare(children(wearing,a,mask))
   

   ##               [,1]
   ##  [1,]  1.593613953
   ##  [2,] -1.731931186
   ##  [3,]  0.399275593
   ##  [4,]  1.539873180
   ##  [5,] -0.777245280
   ##  [6,] -0.414935945
   ##  [7,] -0.418567316
   ##  [8,] -0.347359526
   ##  [9,]  0.374395222
   ## [10,]  0.472213043
   ## [11,]  0.007651959
   ## [12,]  0.712623270
   ## [13,] -1.409606969
   ## attr(,"scaled:center")
   ## [1] 2.950584
   ## attr(,"scaled:scale")
   ## [1] 0.4758116
   

6. Combine all of these into obfuscated functions that produces non-iid random, complex variables, and then build a model using the real and imaginary components

   sp00ky <- function(reality, nightmare=0) complex(real=reality, imaginary=nightmare)
   BÓOÓO <- function(x, ...){eval(parse(text=paste0('BÓØ',x,'<<-',letters[1],letters[19],'sign')))}
   BÓOOÓO <- function(x, ...) ifelse(1:length(x) %% 2 == 1, BÓOÓ(x, ...), BOOÓ(x, ...))
   BÓOÓ <- function(x, ...) ifelse(x %% 2 ==1, 0, x)
   BOOÓ <- function(x, ...) ifelse(x %% 2 ==0, 0, x)
   BÓÓÓ <- function(x, ...) sp00ky(reality=BÓOOÓO(x), nightmare=sp00ky(reality=x)-BÓOOÓO(x))
   BÓÓOÓO <- function(x, ...) BØØØ(x)^2
   BÓØÓØ <- function(x) rep(1, length(x))
   BÓØ <- function(x, ...) ifelse(BÓØÓØ(x) * length(unique(x))==1, rep(0, length(x)), scale(x))
   BØØÓ <- function(x, ...){Ó = pmax(1e-12, abs(x)); sp00ky(reality=BÓØ(Re(x/Ó)), nightmare=BÓØ(Im(x/Ó)))}
   BØØØ  <- function(x, Ø, ...) {BÓØØ('ØØ',  BÓÓÓ(x) - sp00ky(reality=Ø)); BØØÓ(ØØ)}
   BØO <- function(x, a, r) {BÓØØ('n', length(x)); x[max(1,a-r):min(n,a+r)]}
   BØOO <- function(x, a, r, ...) {s = BØO(x, a, r, ...); y = ØO(1:length(x), a, r)-a; w=exp(-y^2/(2*r)); sum(s*w)/sum(w)}
   BØØO <- function(x, r, ...) {BÓØØ('n', length(x));m = numeric(n); for(a in 1:n){m[a] = BØOO(x, a, r) }; m}
   BÓØÓ <- function(x, r=3, v=1, ...) BØØO(BØØØ(x, ...)/BØØÓ(BÓÓÓ(x)), v)
   BÓOÓO('Ø')
   
   set.seed(13*666)
   i = rpois(2*13*13, 13)
   Ø = 13
   ÓÓ = BÓØÓ(i, Ø=Ø, v=Ø)
   sp00ky.df = data.frame(BØ=Re(ÓÓ), BØØ=Im(ÓÓ))
   sp00ky.model = lm(BØØ ~ BØ, data=sp00ky.df)
   

   par(bg='black',col='orange',fg='orange',col.axis='orange',col.main='orange',col.lab='orange')
   plot(sp00ky.model$residuals, type='l',ylab='residual error', xlab='index', main='Residuals of Model Based on non-IID Variables')
   

   

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